Hello, my name is Lucius. I'm a 17-year-old autistic male that suffers from schizophrenia (professionally-diagnosed). I mention those because it's important for you to understand what this site contains. There's lots of negativity, delusional ramblings, and triggering topics. That being said, there's no autoplay music, flashing images/colours, or screamers anywhere on this site. I'm not good at coding, so this doesn't work on most screens and it's not perfectly accessible, but I try to make it as accessible as I can. Browse this site at your own caution.
This site serves as a diary (journal?) of sorts. I write about whatever I want here. If you're confused what the symbols underneath the artwork is, they're links. Click them to be taken to different pages, or hover over them to read the tooltips to see where it takes you.
If you want to stalk me, you can only find me on Listography and here (for cyberstalking). You can add me on Discord, too, if you'd like, just be warned I'm terrible at talking to others. My Discord tag is OMENS#1984. You can view and sign my Eulogy (guestbook) here.
My interests are: Thanatology, music, forensic entomology, arthropods, paleontology/dinosaurs, speleology, religious studies, the Victorian era, body modifications, fairy tales, recreational drugs, horror, stuffies, dolls, Atlantic puffins, and certain videogames.
My hobbies are: Drawing, playing piano, learning more about my interests, caring for headstones/gravesites, collecting various things, gushing about how perfect men are, and urbex.
Some things I like are: Fog, rain, tea, confections/sweets, purple, Monster Energy, needles, having my hair played with, warm blankets and clothes, circuses, men, and night walks.
Some things I dislike are: Pedantry, wind, lady beetles, children, quackery/pseudoscience/self-diagnosers, religious illiteracy, sports, any artificial light that isn't red, watermelon, loud people, people that think being rude is cool, and coffee.
I don't take online personality tests seriously, and you probably shouldn't either, but just for fun, here are some of my results: INTP (MBTI), 4w5 (Enneagram), Melancholic (Temperament), snake (Animal in You), RLUEI (Global5), Musical (Multiple Intelligences)
I talk about my spiritual and religious beliefs a lot, but they tend to be all over the place/switch constantly because of my schizophrenia. Don't mention it. I'm already aware and thoroughly embarrassed. I'm trying to figure out how to balance this. Trying to figure out what are my actual beliefs and what are just delusions is incredibly difficult.
I love death. I don't say that in an edgy way, I genuinely have positive views on death. My biggest and most passionate interest is thanatology. All aspects of death are interesting to me... scientific study; religious/spiritual perspectives, rituals, and customs; everything. I find corpses beautiful, too. And no, I'm not a necrophile if that's what you're thinking. I don't want to have sex with a corpse, I just want to hug one. If I'm outside, it's most likely to visit a cemetery. I love to take care of burial sites, like cleaning headstones. It defines me, so I thought I should mention it here.
I'm terrible at describing my personality, so the best way to learn about that is by reading my journal ('Thinking' page). Here's some random facts about me, though.
- ✟— I love Mimikyu! I have a Mimikyu stuffie, and he is my best friend.
- ✟— The Velveteen Rabbit is my favourite story.
- ✟— I like guerrilla gardening, especially in abandoned areas.
- ✟— I clean headstones, place flowers on old forgotten graves, and attempt to fix up or replace other problems relating to graves (like broken trinkets). I’ve been doing that since I was 13, and I will never stop.
- ✟— My favourite foods are confections/sweets. My favourite drink is Earl Grey tea.
- ✟— I used to dye my hair a different colour every few months. Now I stick with black and refuse to change my hairstyle.
- ✟— My favourite outfit is simple. Black knit sweater over a white dress shirt with a black tie. Black shorts. Black knee socks. Heeled oxfords.
- ✟— I'm either dressed like a Victorian schoolboy or a stereotypical trad goth. I prefer the former, though.
- ✟— I genuinely think I'm dead/a "ghost". I'm not too sure what that means yet, but this is why "ghost" is in Other and the title has "Ghostling".
- ✟— Despite being half, my French is poor. English is the most popular language here, which is why they decided to raise me with English as my first language. I know I use French words even though I write here in English, but please don't talk to me in French, I can barely speak my first language. I was just raised to use certain French words instead of English words.
- ✟— The only light I use in my room is red because it's the only artificial room light that doesn't hurt.
- ✟— Even though I'm not a very positive person, I am big on male positivity. I never shut up about how wonderful men are and how much I support them. If there's a man reading this right now: I love you. Go do something that makes you happy because you deserve it!
- ✟— My nails are always painted black.
- ✟— I'm constantly humming.
- ✟— I currently have five piercings. Double ear lobes on each ear and a septum piercing. I plan on getting many more, as well as getting covered in tattoos and having my tongue split in half! Oh, and I want to be a tattoo artist (a vegan one)!
- ✟— My birthday is on the second of September. Almost legal, so any weird men... hit me up. Just kidding. But I wouldn't complain. I have some real bad daddy issues and I'll never refuse a man's attention.
- ✟— I'm a passionate and proud vegan. I love animals so much and I firmly believe (know) meat is murder and dairy is rape. Call me a soyboy if you want, I take it as a compliment that I'm not so much of a coward I have to hold on to toxic anti-science gender roles in fear of getting made fun of. Anyway, feel free to talk to me about veganism if you have any questions or are looking for advice/convincing to become vegan. Or check out my veganism page! I try my best to not be a militant vegan and be understanding as most people don't know what goes on in factory farms and the environmental destruction they cause.
Lastly, here's a small glossary of words/terms/names I use in writing.
- ✟— Allistic: This is a shortened way of saying "non-autistic". This is useful when discussing being autistic.
- ✟— Bunny: My bunny! Yes, she has a "proper" name, but I call her Bunny because I think it's cute and I'm just like that.
- ✟— Death: When capitalized, I am referring to the psychopomp, usually.
- ✟— Mère: This means 'mother' in French, but I use it to refer to my grandmother as it's shorter than "Gra-Mère".
- ✟— Mimikyu: Mimikyu's name is... just Mimikyu.
- ✟— Mother: Always capitalized, this is referring to my real mother. The one who carried me in her womb.
- ✟— My father: Never capitalized, this is referring to my real father.
- ✟— Père: This means 'father' in French, but I use it to refer to my grandfather as it's shorter than "Gra-Père". He recently died (in June), so he doesn't come up as often in my writing anymore. I still love him, though.
- ✟— Rotter: An insult.
- ✟— Sensory Good/Bad: I use Sensory Good or Sensory Bad to communicate when something is bothering my sensory issues or is making my senses feel good.
- ✟— Stim(ing): Stimming is something everybody does, but is more "extreme" in autistics. It's basically doing repetive motions to help calm yourself down and/or gain needed sensory input. If you're allistic, a stim you might do is biting your nails or tapping your fingers. As an autistic some of my countless stims are flapping my hands, hopping/jumping, and chewing on everything.